Saturday, July 21, 2012

A Special Day for Christi

July 21st, 2007. I'm sixteen years old, sitting at the family computer on my Myspace blog. I was afraid of what I was about to do because I knew that I might lose friends. I grew tempted to back out and deal with my anguish longer so that my peers wouldn't have yet another reason to bully me. I knew deep down that if I wanted to move forward, I MUST go through with this. I typed up what I needed to say and hesitantly clicked "post."

Waiting was unbearable. How would people react? Surprise? Confusion? Hatred? I just didn't know. All I knew was my secret was out and turning back was now out of the question.

So, what did I say, you might be wondering. Well, I actually saved the post from all those years ago, storing it my email when I stopped using Myspace. I have changed a lot from this original message (when I still wanted to be straight and pretended to prefer men), but the core lesson  I took away from it remains the same - I'm bi, and you don't have to like it.

This is what I posted:

"So I've finally decided to..
Come out.

I am bisexual.

Before you go, "ZOMG, whaaaaaat?!?!", I want to explain.

Please leave all of your bisexual stereotypes at the door. I'm going to tell you all right here and now, that I:

1. Do NOT  believe in dating both a guy and girl at the same time.
2. Am NOT "unsure".
3. Am NOT pretending to like girls to get guys' attention or because it's "trendy".
4. Did NOT choose to be this way; in fact, I wish I wasn't.
5. Am NOT attracted to both sexes equally (I'm about 70/30 actually, with a preference towards guys.)

If you have a problem with this, please delete me off your friends list now.

I don't have the time or patience to deal with anyone's anti-gay bullshit.

I know some people who think it's just a phase, or that bisexuality isn't real. I know I have feelings for both sexes, and I'm not going to hide it from the world anymore just because some people think it's "gross", "just for attention", or that it "doesn't exist".

And just for the record, I did not "turn bi". It wasn't a choice. I've known that I was for awhile now- since my freshman year.

As for me not, "looking bi," let me tell you, there is no such thing.

This may be the end of some friendships, and I'm ready to face that now. I'm ready to see who my real friends are, and those who are blinded by stereotypes. I hope that those close to me will realize that I'm the same Christi and nothing's changed, except that I'm open now about my feelings.

@ guys who think this is hot, get this: I'm not trying to impress you or anyone else, so kiss any hopes of watching girl-on-girl goodbye.

@ straight girls who are afraid I'm going to hit on them: I won't."


 Most people who were negative took my advice and deleted me. Through the negative shined some positive examples of real friends. They were mostly surprised, but supportive nonetheless. I was commended for my bravery and received offers of "if you get picked on, I'm there for you." They touched my heart. With my increasingly understanding parents and friends like these continuing into my years of young adulthood, they give me inspiration and hope. Without them, I don't know where I'd be today - possibly not here at all. To those of you who support me, thank you. Your support means a lot, even if you've not known me very long. I can only go forward from here. <3

3 comments:

  1. So much courage at such a young age, I'm very proud of you! I love how you did it, no apology, no self doubt, no bullshit, just honest feelings. Great way to find out who your real friends are! @rewir8rh83, AKA, James

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    1. My goal is to let other LGBT people (especially younger ones) know they can do it, too - only if they want, though. I felt so alone at 16. Knowing that I finally did it lifted a great weight off my shoulders, especially once my real friends rallied to my side.

      On a random note, how was I not following you already? I follow most people that follow me. Must have been one of those days I didn't check to see if there was anyone new following. Fixed that now, in any case. =)

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    2. LOL, yep, must have been one of those days!

      I can still remember that feeling of aloneness in high school, especially alone for me at 2 different catholic high schools, I never felt I belonged. At the time running was my only solace, so I ran a LOT! I moved as far away as I could right after graduation, so never had a chance to help anyone else along the path, and there was no Internet at that time either!

      I'm sure you are helping others, so keep it up!

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